Love in unexpected places....

my heart is in Indiana tonight

in a barn

with the 1,000lb girl named Dolly that helped save my life

this is how Dolly found me

a tangled up, beat up, insecure 

MESS

and in many ways

she wasn't very different

we both came from backgrounds that left us hurt, scared and distrustful 

she was stubborn, strong willed and at times a little rough around the edges

she wasn't everyone's favorite to work with due to these character traits

and i could relate to that 

i trusted this horse before i trusted any human at selah

i trusted her in the good and the bad

when she stomped on my foot

i kissed her nose

when she bit me

i loved on her more

each and every time

she was patient with me

in ways that i will never be able to fully explain

some days i would stand on the back porch in tears

and i would call out her name

and across the pasture i would see her ears perk up

and then she would begin trotting towards the fence to meet me

i would feed her a peppermint or two

and gain comfort just by being in her presence

this massive girl taught me how amazing freedom can feel

that living free from restraints

 (like saddles)

can be exhilarating

even if scary

one of the most powerful moments of my life

happened on a cold, damp barn floor

in Anderson, Indiana

horses do not lay down very often

and rarely when anyone is around

this is when they are in their most vulnerable state

i get this

with everything in me

so to have my girl not only lay down in my presence

but then allow me to lay down with her

gave me more courage than any traditional therapy ever could

this experience showed me that redemption

is possible

that trusting in the most vulnerable situation

is possible

that letting others in even when everything in you warns against it

is possible

and

necessary for survival

this beautiful girl will forever hold a piece of my heart

and

not a day goes by that i am not forever thankful for the lessons she taught me