.Sisterhood.

Written to my Selah girls tonight but applicable to sisterhood and humanity in general.

Dearest Lovelies,
I read the following quote tonight and it hit home for me in so many ways. When it comes to openly posting about my struggles with you all, I get scared and feel very hesitant. Not because I don't trust you all or value your support, but because the guilt and shame I feel for needing it seems to outweigh my ability to ask for it sometimes. My 3 year anniversary of my admission to Selah is next week. I'm feeling completely overwhelmed by a plethora of emotion thinking about it. I find myself in a pretty dark place right now. My struggles with depression and ED are bad, and my issues stemming from my PTSD are horrible. I want desperately to return to the place of freedom and life I felt after returning home from Selah, and while there is the part of me that remembers how amazing that feeling is, the dark side of my brain seems to be overshadowing that truth right now. I'm not quite sure what to ask for, or even what I need right now. I just needed to be real. To be honest and authentic. To push aside the voices that tell me nobody cares to hear from me at times like this. I care for each of you greatly, whether we have met yet or not, and I value you more than you know. I'm struggling, yes. But as long as there is still a fight left in the struggle, I think it's ok to let others in on it. So I'm opening the door to my heart, to my struggles. I'm asking that we remember that supporting and encouraging each other in the hard times, makes the times we get to rejoice in our victories together that much sweeter. I pray the Selah sisterhood remains a safe place for each of us to be authentic, whatever that may look like in that moment. I hold each of you close to my heart and will be forever thankful for the chance to know your hearts in such a special way. Much love and many hugs my sweet soul sisters <3

"if you’re struggling, it means there are two sides of you warring against each other. the implication? two sides. one is whatever the darkness is you're fighting against…and the other is the side that hopes you will somehow make it to victory. you can’t struggle without having a good side and a bad side, otherwise there would be no struggle at all. you are still struggling, yes?

you are struggling because there is a part of you that still believes you can beat this."