friend or foe.

Something always brings me back to you •
It never takes too long •
No matter what I say or do •
I still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone •
You hold me without touch •
You keep me without chains •
I never wanted anything so much •
Than to drown in your love and not feel your reign •
Set me free, leave me be •
I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity •
Here I am and I stand so tall •
I'm just the way I'm supposed to be •
But you're on to me and all over me •
You loved me 'cause I'm fragile •
When I thought that I was strong •
But you touch me for a little while •
And all my fragile strength is gone •
Set me free, leave me be •
I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity • 
Here I am and I stand so tall •
I'm just the way I'm supposed to be •
But you're on to me and all over me •
I live here on my knees •
As I try to make you see •
That you're everything I think I need •
Here on the ground •
But you're neither friend nor foe •
Though I can't seem to let you go •
The one thing that I still know •
Is that you're keeping me down •
You're keeping me down •
You're on to me, on to me and all over me •
Something always brings me back to you •
It never takes too long •

Sara Bareilles describes my relationship with ED in words that seem lost to me tonight. 
My strength feels so fleeting. 
My determination weakens a little more. 
I don't know who I am. 
I don't know who I am without it. 
I don't know who is underneath. 
Who makes up the soul encased in a loathed body. 
'Neither friend nor foe.'
I cling to something that will kill me. 
Because something has convinced me that it is also what keeps me alive. 
I don't know who I am. 
I am tired of this battle.