{ the unknown }

I turn things on and off all day.
Light switches.
The oven.
Water faucets.
The television.
There is a switch. A remote. A button. For seemingly EVERYTHING.
Except;
My brain.
It's the one thing I can't figure out how to turn off and on as I choose.
My mind races and runs constantly.
All day and all night.
Tonight I'm feeling a hurt I don't know how to explain.
I feel jealous and angry.
And it's stemming from other people's actions. Their inactions. Words spoken and words left unsaid.
I hate that part of my heart that allows me to believe my worth comes from how I'm treated.
Because it enables me to believe that I am powerless. That I have no control.
I logically know on some level that this simply isn't truth.
That I don't need to give anyone power over my emotions. Over my worth. My identity.
But sometimes it's just damn hard to trust in that truth.
Tonight is one of those nights.
Perhaps for now I need to sit with this sadness. With this hurt.
Let myself accept that it's ok to feel this way.
That it won't kill me. That I will get through this valley as I have done time and time before.