...betrayal...

If you can't say it to my face...
You shouldn't be able to say it behind my back.
Feeling so angry.
Beyond angry.
I'm tired of having to get information that greatly affects my life second hand.
I want so badly to lash out.
To use my voice to make how I feel known.
But the thought of doing so fills me with so much fear
And anxiety.
I don't even understand why because I could care less at this point if it ruined my relationship with this family member.
Not that I even believe there to be a relationship.
Anger terrifies me.
Expressing it is completely foreign.
I'm afraid that if I start, I won't be able to stop.
I feel like I'm going to explode.
And I fear it's going to be ugly.