{ the unknown }

I turn things on and off all day.
Light switches.
The oven.
Water faucets.
The television.
There is a switch. A remote. A button. For seemingly EVERYTHING.
Except;
My brain.
It's the one thing I can't figure out how to turn off and on as I choose.
My mind races and runs constantly.
All day and all night.
Tonight I'm feeling a hurt I don't know how to explain.
I feel jealous and angry.
And it's stemming from other people's actions. Their inactions. Words spoken and words left unsaid.
I hate that part of my heart that allows me to believe my worth comes from how I'm treated.
Because it enables me to believe that I am powerless. That I have no control.
I logically know on some level that this simply isn't truth.
That I don't need to give anyone power over my emotions. Over my worth. My identity.
But sometimes it's just damn hard to trust in that truth.
Tonight is one of those nights.
Perhaps for now I need to sit with this sadness. With this hurt.
Let myself accept that it's ok to feel this way.
That it won't kill me. That I will get through this valley as I have done time and time before.

Sometimes it's too much...

“I don’t feel very much like Pooh today," said Pooh.

"There there," said Piglet. "I’ll bring you tea and honey until you do.”


Today I am thankful that I have been blessed with many a 'Piglet' in my life.
My world feels very shaky right now.
Very top-si-turvy.
It feels impossible to conquer life on my own.
HOWEVER...
As I have been reminded by those nearest & dearest to my heart;
I only have to do it alone if I choose to.
The last 24 hours have brought a world wind of emotions.
Anger. Loss. Fear. Sadness. Betrayal. Bitterness. Jealously.
It hasn't been pretty.
Nor easy.
But it's been life.
I feel vulnerable and small.
I feel confused and hurt.
But I don't feel alone.
My army has stood up beside me and behind me once again.
In the midst of this landslide, I am reminded of how very lucky I am.
I am reminded that true friendship, authentic love, can withstand and uphold me through whatever life throws at me.
I will be ok.
Maybe not today.
Possibly not tomorrow.
But it'll happen.
And for now, that is the hope I will cling to.