{ ? }

sometimes i wonder what brings me back here
to this place
this blog
i debate whether my words are heard
or whether they fall on deaf ears
i think back to the time it was a hopeful place
and desperately wish to be back there
yet it seems like an elusive memory
one i fear im beyond recapturing
i need help tonight
i need hope
i need a reminder that im not alone
that i contribute something that the world would miss
without me in it
i just need to know im ok
that even in the midst of this valley
i am loved
believed in
accepted
and worthy of restoration
redemption
that im
not too far gone
to be
reclaimed

...afraid...

sometimes i'm afraid this is just who i am
that this is my destiny
that recovery
freedom
will always remain an elusive memory
in sight but out of reach
i am afraid
of my thoughts
my actions
my inactions
i am afraid
of myself